Beauty & The Beast

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Shoot. Ask. Fire. Whatever. http://formspring.me/Balminas

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Huh? Who is Bal?

Answer here

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Back after going on hiatus. Been so busy lately.

As time passes by, things change. The environment change. The surroundings change. Sadly, so do people. Seems like everyone's going their separate ways. Partly I'm to blame for not spending enough time with a particular group of friends and spending more time with other groups of friends. But then my other groups of friends are also drifting apart, even though I do spend time with them.

Maybe it's because most of them are already in relationships which equates to them having to spend more time with their partners than with friends. But that isn't any reason for you to completely ditch your friends just to hang out with your partners.

Or maybe it's because we all have found new groups of friends, whom we have things in common with but again, that's no reason for you to go forgetting your old group of friends.

Maybe it's because I haven't been spending time with you guys lately cuz I'm busy with family and school related stuff that are not assignments related. But I still do try my very best to hang out with every single one of my close groups of friends, even though I'm struggling at times to balance out my time evenly among all of you so that no one group is neglected.

I guess it's my fault. People change. Close friendships, whom we thought would last forever or at least for a long time at that one particular point of time, start breaking apart at the seams. Time passes by. Nothing stays the same anymore. Although new friendships are formed with new people, I still miss hanging out with the old friends. Cuz if it weren't for the old friends, I wouldn't be standing where I am today.

At times like this, I wish I were back in 2009 again. ):

8:36 PM

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Hello !! For starters. Submission is finally over ! And my critique session is next Thursday so I got exactly 1 week to prepare for my crit and brace myself to get screwed by my lecturers cuz I didn't do as well as last term. :/ It was my fault anyway.

So lets start.

Last Thursday, the entire ATBC gang gave Mund a surprise birthday bash. Ate at Canadian Pizza at Woodlands CC.

Last Friday, I had my usual session with them ATBC peeps.

Last Saturday, we met again to give Zaf a surprise birthday bash this time round at her crib.

Sunday. Can't remember.

Monday. We met up yet again to hang out with Freak, seeing as it's his last day of freedom before he goes off for NS. At the end of the day, we presented him with a card and Zaf gave him a collage and for the first time ever, he was SPEECHLESS. As in literally dumbfounded where words actually FAILED HIM, which is a first cuz he was so damn touched.

Tuesday. Had the CF Party, where I performed yet again. The performance was awesome and so was the party !

Wednesday, I tonned at the R.C behind my crib with Mus and Khairul where yet again, it was another awesome bonding session, where we actually learnt more about each other and shared things with each other. Sahur-ed at my house, then proceeded to school while they headed home to sleep.

Now. I wanna celebrate the Eve of Raya. ^^

11:09 AM

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Honestly, today is really not my day.

Dad. You have never been proud of me. Every single time you will always try to find fault with me. For 14 years. No matter what achievements I got, be it Top in English or Top Student in East View or whatever high marks that I got or compliments that I got from both teachers and lecturers alike, you refuse to be proud of me. Instead, you still chose to pick bones with me, scrutinizing my every move, looking for something to fault me with.

What hurts me deeply is the fact that you assume all the wrong things about me which are based simply on your perceptions. Whenever my results are bad, you assume that I go to school just to play the fool, goof off and clown around. Whenever I am resting for a short while, you assume that I'm a lazy ass who slacks and does nothing till the very last minute. You assume that I'm just the same old bastard that I was back then simply cuz of my terrible past. You assume that I'm a failure, who only does things half-heartedly and never completes the tasks I set out to accomplish.

But do you even have any inkling of what I even do in the first place ? Do you have any idea the amount of sleepless nights I had because I am chionging my ass off, just to do my work neatly and professionally in the best way that I can so that I can complete them and submit them on time ? Do you have any idea how I've been consulting my lecturers and designer friends alike just to get their critique on my projects and work on their judgement/criticisms to improve what I am currently doing so that I can produce better quality standards ? Do you have any idea how much I actually cried when my critique sessions were disastrous ? Do you have any idea how freaking happy I was whenever my lecturers complimented me and my works, saying that I am improving, that I should keep up the good work and that I've come a long way ?

I feel like just quitting school right now. Not cuz I can't cope with the assignments. No sir. My time management skills have been honed well ever since I entered Singapore Polytechnic and I am learning to prioritize the more important stuff first, like meeting submission criteria and deadlines on time with good quality work. I wanna quit school because of financial burdens. I dare not ask you for money to purchase materials or to even print my boards out cuz I am afraid that you and I will get into a huge fight cuz of money. I scrimp and save whatever I have. In the end, it's always Grandma who comes to the rescue, helping me ask you for money and explaining to you why I need it badly.

I wanna quit school because I find that there's no point in me doing all of this just to make you proud of me but you aren't and you never will be. I got into this course because of you in the first place. I was in DCMD initially but you got into a huge fight with me, saying that I already dropped D & T back in secondary school but I still wanted to pursue a course that had relations to that subject, when I tried to explain to you REPEATEDLY that DCMD had NOTHING related to D & T but did you listen ? No. Being the egoistical bastard that you are, you still think that you're right. So in order to make you happy, I jumped ship to DID and boy you were happy. Why ? Cuz you were pursuing part time Architecture and evidently, this is the first time that you think we have a common interest, when in actual fact, I joined just to get you off my back. Well guess what ? DID has EVERYTHING related to D & T and I WAS struggling back then but I struggle less now cuz I have learnt the art of time management. In fact, I'm starting to actually LIKE design, something which I swore I wouldn't and would hate for life back during my D & T days.

But did all of this actually hit that thick skull of yours ? No. You're still bent on thinking that I am a failure. That I goof off and clown around. That I have no future. And do you know how much that has deeply hurt me ? It's left a permanent scar. No matter how hard we try, we can never get back into each other's good books. Not now. Not ever. I don't exactly hate you but I don't love you either. All I've ever wanted was to hear you tell me that you are, actually for once, PROUD OF ME AND MY ACHIEVEMENTS. PROUD OF EVERYTHING THAT I'VE ACCOMPLISHED AND DONE. PROUD OF ME FOR COMING A LONG WAY. PROUD OF ME FOR WHO I AM. PROUD OF ME FOR WHO I'VE BECOME.

Grandma was the only one who was ever there for me. Who loved me and cared for me. Who defended me and stood up for me. Who was proud of everything that I've done and motivated me and encouraged me. If she can be, why can't you Dad ? )':

3:18 PM

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Wow. It's been super long since I last updated huh ? Well. Been busy occupying all of my time over the holidays.

Last Tuesday, my CF performers and I had our first ever dance practice at RP. We managed to learn 1 choreography (Beep Breakdown). We've still got like 5 or 6 more choreos to learn, teach one another and practice all for next Tuesday's CF Party. That and the formation and transitions. Hopefully tomorrow, we can master another choreography or 2. Cuz we're running short of time and I'm starting to panic.

After the dance practice was over, my younger brother came over together with Sham and the 3 of us proceeded to meet Zakk, Ella, Louise and Fiany at town. Hung out with them before bussing our asses home.

Wednesday. Rotted at home. Tonned the night with my brother.

Thursday. Went to buka at Burger King, TM with my brother and Mund. Headed to Geylang after that to meet Mus, Filzah, her friends and my brother's and my ex FCX colleagues. Hung out at Macs till the last train.

Friday. Had a dance session this time round with my Evo-3 peeps. Only Naim, Sarah, Shi Ying and Zaf were there and I learnt some stuff from Naim but I'm far from perfecting it. Gonna work on it tonight. Buka-ed at Asli Village with my brother.

Saturday. Proceeded to Swamp for a nature themed photoshoot with my brother since he wanted to much to capture pics of nature. Some of the things we saw there were spectacular ! I actually saw 3 pelicans' bird's nest on 3 different trees !

Sunday. Stayed at home.

Monday proceeded to school for our ONLY lesson of the week. Apparently, we only have to attend school for the rest of the week just to take attendance. -.- If I'm living in Dover, I wouldn't mind but I live in Pasir Ris. Expecting me to wake up super early in the morning and take an hour's journey to school just to take attendance is a complete waste of my time. At least I'm doing my assignments at home.

Assignments wise, I'm left with only my rendered drawings and my 3DS Max model. I'm leaving my 3DS Max model till last cuz firstly, I wanna get my other parts of the assignment over and done with and secondly, I don't wish for my laptop to crash while I'm doing my 3DS Max Model and find that my other parts of my assignment are still UNDONE. That is a major bummer all in itself.

Ok. I'm off. Bye now !

1:44 PM

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I just got home. Thought of heading to bed but no point cuz half an hour later have to wake up for Sahur.

So anyway.

Thursday. Went out with ATBC. Sadly, Naim, Sarah, Shiying and Zaf couldn't make it. We went to buka together at Tong Sen then proceeded to watch Step Up 3 at Plaza Singapura with Ella and Louis joining in. Step Up 3 was awesome ! It's EXACTLY what a crew should be about. Family bonding and learning from each other. Just like us ATBC/EVO-3 peeps, where we're a 1 big family and learn dancestyles from each other. ^^

Friday. Went to buka at Simpang Bedok with my younger brother and my close poly mates. Most of them couldn't make it, which was disheartening but nonetheless, we had loads of fun. Especially with Pinoy around. Doing the Pinoy accent with the Pinoy look. BRADANG. Nasi Ayam Seafood. HAHAHA !

Today. Another buka outing this round with the NNK peeps. :D

And my left eye is seriously hurting. Tsk.

3:33 AM