Beauty & The Beast

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Third blogpost of the day?? Wow! My weekend life must be pretty dull! No longer working, haven't clubbed in a long time, no more shopping or chilling out at town. Haish. BBOORRIINNGG!!

Anyways, lets see. Yeah. I realised. I'm paranoid. Afraid is more likely the word to describe myself but I prefer paranoid cuz I can get pretty insecure at times, like how I'm feeling now despite being reassured by my younger brother.

My greatest fear?? Losing the ones I love, regardless of whether they're my family members, brothers, siblings or close pals. It's like a painful stab right through the heart. A bullet through the brain. Fatality.

Fears? Phobias? Insecurities? Yeah. I started feeling this way since last night after that one particular incident. Actually, come to think of it, no. I've been feeling this way since...Ever. Only last night did these feelings intensify.

Ok2. Bal. Stop it! I really should stop feeling so insecure and paranoid. Just take things one step at a time and do like what EVERYONE has been telling me to do.

DON'T THINK TOO MUCH!

P.S: Stop

11:23 PM

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I can't explain this feeling

I think about it everyday

And even though we've moved on

It gets so hard to walk away.

Walk away.....

Our life from day to day

Hoping maybe you'll come back

And though I tell myself not to be afraid

To move on but it seems I can't.

P.S: I'm being paranoid.

11:10 AM

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Ok. So yesterday, I fought with my adek about the money that he owed me, promising from like a long time ago that he would pay me back and he even put aside the money, only to tell me yesterday that he already spent all of his money and that he couldn't pay me. Things happened, attitude reared its ugly head, facial expressions were contorted and we got pissed; yada yada. We made things up at the waterbreaker near Mira's pit, as he approached me while I was smoking there and actually said

Adek Khairil : 'Hi bro. Sry psl td'.

Enough said about that. Anyways, I really enjoyed myself tremendously at Mira's pit along with the FCX peeps, who are like my second family. We drank and had fun basically. :)

Adek Khairil, hope you understand where I'm coming from bro. I'm sorry for giving you attitude yesterday and it was partly my fault as well but I admit that I'm egoistical. I love you like A LOT bro and I can't bear the thought of losing you.

P.S: Hopefully things will get better. :)

9:04 AM

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Ok. So I deleted my entry which I made this morning. Why? Cuz I don't wanna start a WORLD WAR 3 with my younger brother.

So basically yesterday, Rina, Rye and myself skipped GC and headed down to Tampines to meet Tun and Aisya. As usual, all of us keco2. That's becoming like out daily routine now(the keco2 ness). Proceeded to FCX to have our dinner there. Rina and Rye went off. I hung out with Bob, Tun, Fairoz and Fairoz's bf behind B.K. I was supposed to meet Adek Khairil but he couldn't make it at the last minute cuz his friend had some problems and he rushed over to meet his friend. I admit. I was pissed off initially but eventually, I realised that I would have done the same thing for him or for any of my close friends for that matter if they were feeling down.

Today, at school, Sam was like freaking NUTS! She was like uttering CRAP most of the time, which truly made us laugh as all of us were like damn F-ed(pronounced as F'd) up with our final VAS assignment for the term(wire sculpturing anyone?). I so hate VAS! Nothing to do with my Interior Design course. Sheesh! Had an assignment-cum-test for our BDC module. FINALLY, FOR ONCE IN MY POLY LIFE, I DREW PROPERLY IN BDC WITHOUT EVEN WHINING ABOUT HOW SUCKY AND UGLY MY DRAWING IS!

Proceeded to Mac T-Mart alone to eat my dinner there while waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive. Somehow, Adek Khairil was there as well so I simply smiled at him and ate outside at the used-to-be-smoking-area-now-completely-smoke-free area alone. Had no idea when they changed that but yeah. It was weird. I texted him about the money he owed me and invited him to hang out with me for a while cuz I was damn bored waiting for them. Initially, he didn't want to cuz he was damn tired and moreover, he and his friends were like leaving soon but in the end, while I was about to reply him back, he came out, tapped me on my shoulder and joined me.

Yeah. It was only for a short while but I managed to do some catching up with him. Damn! I so LOVE HIM A LOT! He went off with his friends. I wanted to stay but somehow, I felt like shitting so I rushed back home. I won't shit in Mac T-Mart's toilet cuz I don't feel comfortable doing so there.

Ok. Truth be told, I'm actually worried about Afiq. He's been grounded due to his results and his teachers bitching about him to his parents during their PTC last Thursday. When I called him up just now, he sounded so down in the dumps. I tried cheering him up but to no avail. He told me not to worry about him but how can I actually do so when he's already like a younger brother to me??

As for Saiful, he actually confided his personal problems in me just now and I was shocked cuz firstly, what he's currently going through was what I went and am currently going throuhg myself and secondly, Saiful isn't the type of person to just showcase his true feelings and let out his frustrations and problems like that. He's more like a very caring person who goes around trying to help people.

2 of my loved ones feeling down in the dumps today. It made me feel sad seing them like this.

Ok. Enough said about them. I guess I can only be there for them in their times of need. I'll be here when you're down and I'll be there for you when you need me.

Tomorrow, the SD Club is holding an Amazing Race at...Erm..Nah. I think I won't spell it out for now cuz I ain't exactly sure of the spelling of the place itself. I'm attending Mira's pit tomorrow as well. Haiyo. Jam-packed weekends! I love it!

Now I'm off to bed. Nighty nighty people! :)

P.S: I hope you understand what I told you just now and don't take it the wrong way. I love you.

12:36 AM

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If you really don't wanna meet, just say so la. Don't have to give excuses. I need the money in cash. I don't want it to be transferred to my bank account cuz from that point in time onwards, the money in my bank account is not supposed to be withdrawn. It's meant for emergencies. There's a hole in my wallet now, which is why I want the money in cash. But apparently, your friend has problems and stuff which is why you can't meet.

P.S: Ok lor.

8:37 PM

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I'm so damn shagged. I was like working on my FDS passport from yesterday after school till 1+ this morning. I've got like EYEBAGS now and I'm actually using my SPECTACLES to go to school instead of wearing contacts.

Haiyo. I still have my VAS final assignment to complete and submit. Damn! On the bright side, next week is the last week of school. YIPEE!!

10:11 AM

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I tried to be different. I tried to be unique. I tried to make it outstanding. I sprinkled sand around my drawings to form their outlines while others were using markers to outline. I even underlined my words by sprinkling sand underneath. And I even designed the cover page NEATLY by coloring it with color pencils. Not even a single stain or smudge yet my lecturer still had the audacity to tell me to make it 'MORE NEAT'.

What's the point of being a designer and trying to be different from the rest if it's gonna be criticised and shunned? It hurts man. They are even saying that I've got NO workmanship. I was like what the FUCK? I spent HOURS doing my assignments, putting in like A LOT of effort to the extend that I barely survived on 2 hours of sleep.

I HATE THIS COURSE!!

P.S: I wanna drop out.

2:59 PM

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Yea. I'm currently suffering from Monday Blues. Just woke up and here I am, sitting in front of my lappy, just blogging away.

So yesterday, I was hanging out at K.C with Aisya and Tun. Adek Dahnial joined us for a while. Towards the later part of the evening, the 2 gals and I proceeded to FCX to eat. Hung out at the back of B.K and Mac and back to B.K again with Yat, Bob, Sulaiman, Fiqa and Kak Rozy.

Anyways, this is the second last week of school!!!!! Can't wait for the 1 month break to come cuz I so need it! But damn! I so need a job! My bank account is running dry.

P.S: I need a job. Anyone?

10:04 AM

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Yea. I just got back home from a day out at East Coast Park with the 9 Fuckers and Faris. We went there to celebrate Nabeel's 18th birthday! (Ceydeba! Bdk tu da 18 sey!) The drinkers drank King Roberts Whiskey. It tasted like shit to me when it's drank as neat but tasted quite ok when it's mixed. We played 'Dog and Bone'. It was awesome! Lets just let the pictures do the talking.

Abg2 18 tahun! (Ris da 19, Ray tgu ag 6 mths ehk! :)

Candid Shot!

Talented peeps!

Smpt amek gmbr while walking!

Tnga sdp bermakan! :)

Birthday boy! Happy birthday Mohammad Nabeel Firdaus Bin Aziz! :)

Candid shot of us eating!

Togok Mat Togok! Haha! :)

What we drank to celebrate the occasion.

Termenung jauh per birthday boy..Haha!

Sachok ar abg2 18. :)

Safwan trying out my shades-cum-specs

Night shot!

I would continue blogging but I think I rather not. Some things are better kept concealed. :)

P.S: HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY NABEEL! I LOVE YOU BRO! :)

11:53 PM

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Yea. Today, when I looked around at my classmates' works for the Basic Drawing Class module, I can't help but feel demoralised. Their works are so effing nice and good while mine sucks like hell! It's been 5 weeks GOD DAMNIT! My works are still NOT IMPROVING.

I was honestly sad you know and I confided everything in my younger brother, Afiq, when I hung out with him for a while just now.

But then when I got back home, someone whom I really loved a lot told me something on MSN that actually turned my mood around and now I can't stop smiling!!!!

P.S: I'm so damn proud of you! I LOVE YOU!

10:42 PM

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Just what the hell am I doing here? Apparently, according to some of my lecturers, my workmanship sucks and I'm not putting in much effort. You call working on my assignments till 2+ in the morning NOT PUTTING IN EFFORT?!

Yeah. I know. I can't draw, let alone design for nuts. I suck at art and I dropped DNT. But still, at least, I'm trying ok. It may not be the best but comparing to some other peeps work, mine surpasses their standards.

Ok. So maybe my plushie sucked as compared to my classmates' plushies. But I just learned how to sew like last week I think.

Damn! I just can't wait for school to be officially over. But it's an agonizing 2 and a half more years before that happens.

Thought of wanting to retake my Maths O Levels and get at least a B3. Then I can just switch over to Mass Communications at Ngee Ann Poly. Or maybe just take a private degree in Mass Communications altogether.

P.S: I am trying. I really am. :(

9:52 AM

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Oh God! I feel so restless at home! I'm so used to schooling on weekdays and working on weekends but now that I'm no longer working, thanks to an EFFING WHORE-BALL, who cooked up a story to get me and my besty TERMINATED for NO APPARENT REASON, I'm like almost dying of boredom at home.

On weekends nowadays, I'm like wasting my time by going online, playing Facebook games, surfing the Net or else, hanging out with Tun at the back of FCX.

I so need a job, preferably near my house or at Downtown.

Damn! That customer who emailed in a complain was a Chinese. You just cost me and my friend our jobs BIATCH. Thanks to YOU, you UNGRATEFFUL INGRATE, we're no longer working and are financially STRAPPED. But you don't care, do you? Cuz all you care about is your lil pathetic SWINY ASS! I swear to God that you're gonna get a TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICATION SOON ENOUGH. You, YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR KIDS! FUCK YOU IMBECILE!

P.S: Restless

10:44 PM

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Ok. I only went to school for 2 hours today cuz my lessons were only for 2 hours! After school, I headed straight down to FCX to meet Tun and Aisya to have our lunch. Hung out at the back before heading to the Study Corner at Tun's void deck, where we were joined by my younger brother, Afiq, and his friend.

We played poker cards, chit-chatted and joked around as usual.

Now, I'm currently sewing my plushie for tomorrow's submission. Wait. Me? Sewing? Haha! So not me. But I'm learning ok?! And it's quite fun and relaxing too! Haha. Coming from me, it sounds rather ironic. Try and associate my personality with me sewing. So TAK KENE KAN?

P.S: 2 more weeks :)

6:36 PM

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Yeah. Last night, I had a slight misunderstanding with Rina and my younger brother, Afiq. Apparently, while I was hanging out at S.C last night with the S.C clique, Afiq suddenly texted me, apologising for what he had done.

Being the ego-istical bastard that I am, I ignored his text and continued playing Taiti with Asyiq, Acap and Syahrir. I only replied him back with 1 word when I was my way home. He explained everything. On MSN, Rina and him both explained everythingelse as well.

Honestly, I was so damn pissed last night. After cooling down, I actually felt guilty for reacting in that manner towards Afiq. He's my younger brother and we've never ever had a misunderstanding or fight before all this while. This would mark the first. I felt so God damn GUILTY! Yeah, we apologised and made it up and even resumed talking crap as per normal but the feeling of guilt is still there.

Apparently, I think he's still pissed though. Cuz I texted him this morning but he didn't reply. :(

Last night anyway, after school, I ate at Food Culture with Ikin, Alep and Hawa. After that, Ikin, Alep and myself went down to SC to hang out with Suraya, Hadainah, Syahrir, Asyiq, Acap and Dan. Apparently, Saiful went back home to get 'changed' only to fall asleep. Haha!

P.S: I'm sorry bro. I really am. :(

9:43 AM

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Ok. Fine. I know. It's my fault to begin with right? I get tensed up over every little thing. I can't take stupid psychoing jokes cuz of what happened to me back then when I was hated by everyone in secondary school from 2003 to 2007. I get pissed off easily.

And now. Look. My younger brother, Afiq, is pissed off with me. From the way he texted me just now, I think he's pissed.

I was the butt of everyone's jokes back then. I was ridiculed and embarrassed. Damn! People even printed out my pics from Friendster and pasted them all over the school for a period of time simply cuz they hated me. That's exactly the reason why I hate being psychoed. And now, 2 people, whom I love dearly, were planning to psycho me.

Yea. It was meant to be a joke to kill time and even then, their so-called plan to psycho me didn't work out cuz I went to bed. But still. The both of you planned to do so, although it was a joke, was enough to make my blood boil. I know it's stupid but if you had been in my shoes back then, you know how it feels like to go through all this fucked up shit.

A lot of people have been telling me that I think too much. Guess I was born that way.

P.S: Who's going overlimit now? I'm pathetic.

10:47 PM

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Yep. I'm redoing my plushie cuz I just found out in class today that the plushie's measurements is supposed to be a MINIMUM of 30CM! I think my plushie is shorter than the actual height. Nvm. At least this time round, I can learn to sew my second plushie with the help of my sis, Nur, cuz she actually sewed the whole entire first plushie by herself in the few short hours that I was away from home.

Anyways, after reading Rina's blog, I was so damn pissed la. Apparently, she and my younger brother, Afiq, has been collaborating on MSN to psycho me in terms of doing stupid trivial things, like WISHING HER A HAPPY MONTHSARY when I've already done so like 3 times in 1 day I think. I've already wished her on MSN through my PM. Yea, I admit, I wished her a 'Happy Monthsary' through SMS last Saturday only at night, which was damn late cuz of the fact that I was busy with my VAS assignments and my other assignments. Since I'm no longer working on weekends, I might as well make use of the time to get some constructive work done. And when I read her blog, she tried to find fault by saying that the font I used on my blog to wish her was damn small and hard for her to read and that, she expected me to use a larger font. Like hello?! I always use a small font when I'm typing in my P.S messages on my blog. I have no problems reading that small font, so why is it that you have problems reading it?

And my younger brother, Afiq, of ALL people is like collaborating with her just to psycho me to do this kind of stupid trivial stuff. Oh God. I was so damn pissed with the both of them la when I found out. I hate being psycho-ed cuz I hate being tricked. Don't ever try to influence or psycho me cuz I'm a true individual with my own sense of identity.

P.S: Nvm

2:45 PM

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So yesterday, I was busy finishing up my VAS assignment. Finally completed the design objects which I'm supposed to be hanging on my mobile. Come to think of it, I actually managed to finish up my HTI journal entry for 4 weeks worth of lectures. Plushie for FDS is almost done.

Anyway, yesterday I went down to FCX with Tun to finally return our uniforms. Our hearts actually ached upon doing so. That is the condeming evidence that our lives at FCX have come to a standstill although our hearts are still in that place. Hung out with Shaz, Rinie and Nadia for a while before heading off home to play Hell's Kitchen on Facebook.

Somehow, last night, while I was you-tube surfing, I got pulled into a multi-way conversation with the Sec 5 peeps whom I'm close with. OMG! I honestly miss them! I miss the old times we had back then! Now that all of us are in separate schools, chances of us meeting up are slim cuz all of us are busy with our respective assignments.

P.S: I miss my fellow Sec 5 S.C peeps. :)

9:46 AM

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Ok. So I didn't really blog much yesterday. Here's the updates.

In the evening, I hung out with Tun and Aisya at the block of flats near Esso. Aisya, as usual, was the joker and the noisemaker. Never has a day gone past of hanging out with her without laughing! Haha! Went down to Mac at T-Mart after that to have our dinner. Shifted over to S.C where we were joined by Saiful, Aliff, Faris, Amanda, Mat, Asyiq and Ashaidil.

Went over to Mac for a while with Aisya to accompany her and that was when I invited Adek Khairil to join us for a while as well since he was also at Mac T-Mart with his cuzzie and his friends. I honestly missed him cuz its been what? A month plus since we last hung out?? Haha. So we caught up a little bit, or rather, I was doing most of the talking and he simply added in stuff. The best part?

Adek Khairil : Since when you use dog tags?

Me : And since when you spike up your hair?

Both of us burst out laughing after that. Although we only hung out for a few short minutes, it really meant a lot to me and I appreciate it all the same. Aisya had to go off after that and Adek Khairil himself wanted to return to Mac to resume studying with his friends. I myself had to return to S.C to hang out with the rest of the S.C peeps.

Around 11.30, Aliff, Faris, Saiful and myself shifted over to Mac. Hung out till 12.30 before heading home.

Ok. So it's pretty much becoming a routine. We always hang out at either S.C or Mac T-Mart. Its our favourite hang-outs!

P.S: Happy belated monthsary love! :)

8:53 AM

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WOOHOO!! I passed my BTT yaw! I'm not exactly sure of the percentage I scored but the end results stated that I passed so yeah.

Haha. Haven't been blogging much this past week cuz I've been flooded with assignments. From mobiles to plushies?? Haha.

11:52 AM

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I just came back home from a movie outing with the FCX peeps. We watched 'Uninvited'. I only have 2 words to describe the movie.

IT SUCKS!

11:58 PM

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To the readers of my blog:

Feel free to hit on all the FUCKING HATE TAGGERS on my blog, by the name of 'Human', 'Human2', 'Ladeda' and whatever STUPID NAMES that they can use and think of cuz apparently, they don't have the guts to reveal their true identities. They really should go back to school. Everyone knows they're HUMANS, NOT DOGS or PIGS for that matter. As for 'Ladeda', even my little cousin can think up of a BETTER NAME.

You wanna play bitch with me? Guess what? I can be a bitch too cuz 2 can play at that bitchy game.

I keep on saying that I can't be bothered to pay attention to ATTENTION-SEEKING JACKASSES AND BITCHES like them but apparently, I just realised. The more they hate tag me, the more I have to hit them back. Apparently, they are what we people say 'Kurang Kasih Sayang'. Lack of love from their parents and grandparents, that's why they will always comment whenever I post on my blog, saying that I love my loved ones.

Stupid no-lifers like them only have to eat shit, rot in hell, dig their own graveyards at Choa Chu Kang Cemetery, bury themselves in and DIE. They only live in this world to hate tag others, cuz to them, hate tagging others and bringing others down gives them an extreme sense of satisfaction which they can't get from sex, flying high or parties.

Well then. I think I've said my part. Keep hate tagging me all you like cuz I would love to see you trip and fall. And if I don't reply to your hate tags, that means to say that I don't find you worth my time cuz I've got better things to do than to reply your irritating, nonsensical hate tags. The only reason why I'm replying to you now is cuz I'm done with my assignments. So BITCH or BASTARD or SLUT or WHORE or DOG or PIG or whoever you are that hate tagged me, I bid you goodbye.

P.S: Use your real bloody name for God's sake. :)

Labels: Stupid people

12:33 AM

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Ok. I just got back home from an evening out with my best friend, Jun, and my abg agkt, Wan. Jun was stressed and she invited me to window-shop with her at Tampines, which I readily agreed, as I haven't seen her for a long time. Since Wan was hanging out at my place, I invited him along too.

So basically, we shopped around for a Mother's Day present for my granny, after which we went to catch Wolverine at Century Square.

Overall, I give the movie 3 out of 5 stars. The characters were ok but the limited number of mutants and the poor storyline actually made the movie suck.

Jun and I caught up on a lot of things and basically, we're going through the same rough patch together as she also faced the same outcome as me at FCX.

As much as I'm thoroughly disappointed and greatly saddened by the outcome, life still has to go on. I'm not ready to work yet cuz I still can't get over the fact that I'm no longer working at FCX and my heart is still in that place.

Even Mama hugged and kissed Tun and I this morning when we dropped by and she actually cried cuz we were terminated. Seeing her cry was so heart-wrenching that I broke down as well.

I don't know. Lately for the past 3 days, I've been crying my eyes out. I've been feeling so down and out lately, exhausted from being continuously beaten up by life and I've been emotional all cuz of the fact that I'm terminated alongside Tun.

P.S: Guess I have to move on then.

Labels: When will I be able to move on?

12:17 AM

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Ok. It's official. I've been terminated. All cuz of a bloody customer and her effing GREATLY EXAGGERATED TRUMPED-UP UNTRUE FAKE COMPLAIN VIA EMAIL. Even my best friend, who works in the KITCHEN, wasn't spared the chopping block. The decision to terminate me was made by that EMOTION-LESS ANIMAL, *****.

I cried and cried so much when I was told that I was terminated. I mean, I honestly love FCX, I love working there, I love the manager and the staff and I love the working environment. Basically, I love everything about that place. The staff there are like my second family. They never fail to make my day and put a smile on my face with their jokes and their keco2ness. FCX itself is like a home away from home. I eat there, work there, hang out there and even study or do my schoolwork there at times. I worked for free labour at times and I didn't even mind or complain at all cuz of my passion and dedication that I have for that place. I put my heart and soul into work. And now, my long journey at FCX has come to an end suddenly. And I still am not over the fact that I've been terminated. Haish... :'(

To that mofo who destroyed my best friend's and my rice bowl, THANKS A LOT BIATCH. You don't know how it feels like to have your rice bowls destroyed when you are financially burdened and are supporting your ownself and helping to foot part of the bills for your family. Cuz you're just a DAMN SICKENING ASSHOLE, WHO DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT OTHERS EXCEPT FOR YOUR OWN U-G-L-Y HAG SELF!

12:17 AM

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Before I begin, lets just get this cleared up. This is my blog and I'm pretty much opinionated in what I say and I tend to let off steam in my blog without caring about what people will say or think about my posts. I have no boundaries when it comes to blogging. Everything stated in my posts is as true as the sky is blue.

Yeah. I didn't go to school today.

Reason being?

I'm too stressed out with all the shit that has been happening lately. Another blow to deal with. I just found out that my grandfather is forced to quit his job by the end of this month cuz his company is about to close down. My grandmother is financially burdened with bills to pay. And as for me...Nvm...

Life has been really really unfair! I know I'm not the only one in this world who's having problems right about now but this is getting one time to many! Blows from life every once in a while is perfectly normal but blows for 5 straight days back-to-back?!!!! That's BLOODY RIDICULOUS!

As for what went down yesterday, it's not even our fault and yet you wanna do that to us? Hah! Don't think that just because you are born FILTHY RICH and you're sitting your ass comfortably down on a corporate job, you can do whatever you like with me and my best friend without even bothering to find out our version of events first. You chose to believe that FUCKED UP IMBECILE, who weave a story and GREATLY exaggerated facts instead of actually trying to reason out with that ANIMAL first! God! Some people in this world are just born dumb but you...You're born an IDIOT! And you can remove that philosophy BULLSHIT about caring for the employees cuz if that were the case, you would have listened to our side of the story instead of acting on a totally RASH-BUT-STUPID decision! The new staff managed to get away with it scot-free when she was in the wrong as well, as she was working during that shift but the both of us had our heads chopped off on the chopping block when we're NOT EVEN IN THE WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! SCREW YOU!! If you think that I'm gonna go down quietly, THINK AGAIN. I ain't going down without a fight cuz I was brought up to stand up for myself and fight for my own rights. If I fail in the attempt, then I'm gonna bring you down with me as well.

I feel so guilty now. Towards the 5 of them yesterday, whom I partied with, towards my best friend, towards my adek for nearly argueing with him yesterday cuz of the debt, towards my bro, for troubling him.

P.S: I'm sorry. :(

11:42 AM

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It's been a rough week. I didn't even enjoy myself at last night's Lollipop Party at Zouk(and this is coming from a hardcore clubber like myself, whose passion is clubbing) cuz some shit happened, adding to the already amounting pile of shit that life threw at me for this week. From Monday to Thursday, 4 straight days back-to-back, I've been pummeled by blow after blow.

Why must life be so shitty?? I'm worried sick about how that certain person is gonna pay off the $550 fine by this coming Wednesday. I'm worried about how the 4 of them are doing in their mid year exams.

I can't believe that what happened yesterday just happened.

To Izdihar, Ridzwan, Aliff, Rina & Raihanah:

Sorry for going off so early yesterday but a huge problem cropped up and I had to rush off to settle it. Even till now, it's still not settled yet. I'm really3 sorry. I promise you peeps that if there's an upcoming party, I'll definitely stay on and party with you peeps all night long. I'm very sorry guys. I just want you guys to know that I really love all 5 of you a lot.

To Tun:

I'm really very sorry. I don't wanna mention it here but you know what I'm talking about. It was my fault that you had the shit thrown at you as well. Honestly, I feel so damn guilty for what happened to you to the extend that I can't sleep cuz I've been thinking about all these shit for the whole of last night. I really love you a lot girl and I know you know that. You're still my best friend. Even though you were experiencing this shit, you could still tell me to enjoy myself at Zouk, to not worry about you and to not ditch Zouk just to be there for you and you even apologised for making me come all the way down. I was honestly touched when you told me that cuz it goes to show that you were willing to sacrifice your own happiness just to make me happy. I didn't care about Zouk at all and I still ditched Zouk just to be there for you cuz to me, FAMILY, SIBLINGS and FRIENDSHIP comes first before anythingelse. I can club anytime so you don't have to apologise at all cuz clubbing just doesn't seem important to me anymore. You were always there for me whenever I needed you so it's about time that I stood firmly by your side and I did just that. Rest assured, I won't go down without a fight and I'll stand up for the both of us and I'll fight to the end for our rights.

To Bob:

Thanks a lot for your help and for trying to stand up for us. I really appreciate it a lot. You're a great person who cares a lot about everyone around you. I have no regrets knowing you at all.

To Adek Khairil and Adek Afiq:

I'm very3 sorry for troubling you guys smlm but I honestly didn't know who to turn to as my own best friend, Tun, was involved in this matter. I know you guys are sitting for your mid years so I'm really sorry for bugging you guys smlm. Yea, I know I felt like running away from all this shit and even ending my own life but after what the both of you told me('Don't do anything stupid, can? Just promise me that?', 'Bro..Now just chill aites. Dun do anything stupid' and 'Tkd ppela bro. Katekan brothers sak. Brothers.', showing me that you guys really cared a lot about me, I promise you guys that I won't do anything stupid. You guys know me well enough. I love the both of you too much to the extend that I can't bear the thought of leaving you guys. I appreciate the fact that you guys heard me out. And Adek Khairil, I'll give you a treat after your mid years aitez? I promised you and I'll keep to my promise.

Oh God. Just thinking about everything that I went through this week with my closest friends was already enough to make me tear up. Doing these shoutouts to my loved ones is like the icing on the cake, causing me to break down. I hate this. I honestly do.

I hate struggling cuz I was brought up to be strong. I hate being dependent on others cuz I was brought up to be independent. I hate asking people for money cuz I was brought up to learn to support myself. I hate myself for troubling the ones I love cuz it's not my type. In fact, I hate myself!

P.S: Life is full of ups and downs. You just have to stay strong.

7:50 AM

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Yeps. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow's party. I seriously need to get away from the stressfulness of school life and just forget about my effing problems.

Anyways, my hate tagger's back people! Apparently, she still doesn't understand the meaning of USE HER OWN REAL NAME WHICH HER PARENTS PAINSTAKINGLY RACKED THEIR BRAINS FOR TO GIVE HER!

P.S: Some people just never learn.

Labels: When will you learn?

6:05 PM

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I'm sorry if I ever disappointed you. I may not be the best but I'm doing my best to be nearly as good as one to you. Yeah, I did get hurt when I found out just now and I was also hurt from your words but truth be told, I'm telling myself to get used to it cuz it's becoming more and more like a routine now.

It's been a long time. I'm wondering.

I can't go off to bed yet cuz I'm not even feeling sleepy. My bro, Afiq, is telling me to cheer up, which I'm attempting to do in the first place. Yeah, my bro, Afiq, knows everything that's going down with me cuz I don't keep anything from him and vice versa. He's like a mirror cuz he seeks to reflect and understand, not to mimic and offer advice(unless I asked for it). I love him to death.

Later on, I'm accompanying Adek Dahnial somewhere after I finish school. Hopefully things turn out for the better for him.

P.S: I hate myself for being so emotionally weak

12:29 AM

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Obviously you don't know how worried I am about you and how much I care about you and how I love you to death.

I told you just now that I missed you cuz I haven't seen you in a long time, to which you come back with the fact that I already saw you last Saturday and ain't that enough? Seeing you walking past FCX without even stopping to chat or spend time isn't enough. At least spending time with you for a few short hours would be ok but I understand that you're sitting for your mid year papers soon so it's ok.

I miss the old times we had where we would hang out with each other till late at night. I miss the times where we were so damn close that we were inseparable.

Ok. You know what? I've had enough. I've had enough of constantly chasing after the ones I love when they are down and trying to be there for them but I don't even get a simple gesture of appreciation. I've had enough of constantly talking, asking, nagging, scolding and telling off the ones I love because I care about them and I don't want them to end up taking the same road I did back then. I've had enough of being repeatedly hurt. I've had enough of constantly worrying about the ones I love, wondering whether they're ok when they were down, only to have them snap at me when I ask them. I've had enough of caring so much for the ones I love that it actually comes back and bite me in the ass. In fact, I've had enough of everything.

I'm just looking forward to this coming Thursday where I can just forget about everything and party the night away like a party animal at Zouk.

P.S: Just this once, please.

Labels: I can't stop wondering and worrying

7:28 PM

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Why on earth were you holding your friend's cigarette for, knowing FULLY well that it was a CONTRABAND cigarette?!! Now you've landed yourself in deep shit.

$550!!! That's NOT a SMALL amount of money you know. That's like HUGE!! My April salary doesn't even reach the $500 level.

Oh God. Now I'm worried about what's gonna happen to YOU once your dad finds out. You're always welcome to crash over at my place if you like cuz you know fully well how much I LOVE YOU and CARE A LOT about you. Just please don't do anything stupid like that again that's bound to get you into trouble.

P.S: Next time round, please be careful

Labels: Stupidity

12:28 AM

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Oh God! Just when I thought I've had enough of Brick Boy assignments, along comes another one! I think this is already the..Erm...4TH Brick Boy that I gotta do! The first 3 has already been completed and submitted and now's the FOURTH EFFING BRICK BOY that I gotta do and I have to submit it by THIS COMING THURSDAY!!!!!!!

I'm like WTF!!

It's official. I so HATE Brick Boy Assignments!

P.S: Haven't we done enough?

Labels: 4th Brick Boy...And many more to go I think....

4:31 PM

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Oh God! The third week of school! It's gonna be another exhausting week yaw...

P.S: I'm getting the VIP tic. :)

Labels: Party Animal

11:22 AM

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When I'm committed, people don't even appreciate it. But when I really truly honestly can't extend my working hours as I have plans after work, tongues start wagging and sarcasm rears its ugly head.

I mean come on. Look at it this way. Most of the time, I willingly extend my working hours and even work for FREE LABOUR at times due to staff shortage and I never complained even once cuz of the fact that I simply LOVE to work at my working place. Its the environment and the friendly staff, who never fail to make my day and put a smile on my face from the moment I start working to the time I end. Last week, I had absolutely NO life at all.

WHY??

Cuz I was schooling from Monday to Friday and I would always reach home around 7.30 to 8. After a quick shower, I would tackle my numerous amounts of assignments before FINALLY going to bed around 2. And I was working the night shift last weekend due to staff shortage, sacrificing the time which I'm supposed to spend with my family and close pals as a result. Just yesterday, when I extended myself till 6, cuz the night shift staff couldn't make it for work, and I had to wait for a replacement to come, after which I dashed off to bowl with Nizam at E-Hub, tongues are already wagging away. Saying that I can't extend myself till full shift simply cuz I wanted to go BOWLING. Its like they are trying to say that I haven't got my priorities right.

I barely have time for myself nowadays, let alone my younger brother, my bros and my close friends and family cuz of the fact that I'm laden with school, school work and work round the clock. I haven't spend time with my OWN younger brother for almost a month now ever since school started. So just that 1 time, when I couldn't extend cuz I just wanted to de-stress, relax and enjoy myself for once, please understand.

I love working at my working place tremendously. I love my colleagues cuz they are a great bunch of peeps to hang out and have fun with. I just need to break away from my daily routine every once in a while to de-stress from school so please understand.

P.S: I hope you understand.

4:01 PM

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Every single time we make plans to meet up, hang out and basically spend time with each other cuz of the fact that we haven't hung out with each other for a long time, our plans are always disrupted.

Yea. We sorta bumped into each other just now or rather, you walked past while I was working and called out to me but even then, we couldn't hang out cuz I was working while you were with your...Cousins?? Friends?? I have no idea but I know you're with a group of people and it looked like as though you were heading off somewhere.

I was seriously hoping that we could hang out yesterday but you went out with your dad. Anyway, if you're reading this, I just wanna let you know that I miss you like A LOT. Don't get the wrong idea. It's simply cuz we haven't hung out with each other for so long and after all, we tend to miss the ones we love when we haven't spend time with our loved ones for so long.

P.S: I miss you. Hope to be able to hang out soon yaw! :)

Labels: Wondering. Don't leave me hanging.

9:15 PM

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"The CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT".

Ever heard of that saying? Well. I think that's bullshit! Pure freaking bullshit! Don't climb over my head, start making a huge fuss out of a simple error that wasn't even OUR fault in the first place due to your UNCLEAR INSTRUCTIONS and start embarrassing me in front of the rest of the customers by yelling at me! Take your effing dumb pointless arguements somewhereelse betch cuz I have no time to pay attention to LOW-CLASS people like YOU!!

P.S: The customer is not always right.

Labels: Don't think that you're always right

5:06 PM