Beauty & The Beast

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I feel so lonely. I mean. Ever since I lost my friend, whom I love so much up till now, things for me have been different. The clique in school is like drifting apart, with each individual going about their separate ways. That's the reason why every single time I'm in school, I will always sit at my own table and just do my own work while blasting songs on my laptop and rarely talk to anyone unless someone talks to me or unless I have to talk.

Hanging out with my girlfriends made me realised that most guys are jerks. Pembusteds. Heartbreakers. Unappreciative bastards. Hearing their stories of their ex-es who physically abuse them and did alot of stupid ungrateful things to them really made my blood boil and I'm a freaking GUY for God's sake.

I don't deny the fact that I still miss you. I don't deny the fact that I still love you either. I know you no longer feel the same way about me. We used to be the closest of friends but now, we don't even talk anymore or we do talk but we run out of things to talk about so quickly that we just end up keeping quiet. You've moved on successfully. I haven't although I'm trying my utmost hardest to do so. I mean. After everything that we've been through together for the past year or so, it's just hard for me to let go of our close friendship and to let you go just like that. But I know that it was my fault to begin with and I have to suffer the consequences.

Anyways, a few more submissions to go before I'm free from schoolwork for the next 3 weeks.

P.S: Every cloud has a silver lining.

4:45 PM

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Hey! I just got back home from VivoCity. Went out with my ITE Clique just now minus one cuz sadly, Aisya couldn't make it. The plan was to just do a spot of window shopping in town but instead, we simply ate our dinner and slacked at Vivo's rooftop. Which was even better, seeing as all of us are going broke and going window shopping will only make our hearts feel the pain from seeing so many beautiful and wonderful things that we wanna buy but lack the cash to purchase them.

There was something I wanted to say but I forgot. Urgh. Nevermind. Been feeling blur lately since yesterday. Probably due to the lack of sleep and the headache that followed suit yesterday.

Oh yes.

~Adek Khairil. I know you don't read my blog often but if you do and you happen to read this post, just know that I'm so ON for a rematch. Yes. You're my brother but a rematch is a rematch. Adek tk adek. I will still beat you hands down. :)

Thanks, NNK, for the fun outing today. Love you guys. :)

P.S: Smiles

11:15 PM

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2nd Dec:

IDS Photographic Essay Submission
IDS Puppet+CD Submission

3rd Dec:

XDM Individual & Group work submission

4th Dec:

IDR Drawing folders submission
IDC Portfolio Submission

Things to do:

Mon - Print out 15 best shots
Print out POEMS essay
Print out XDM Interview essay
Print out MAT1 Research on Komyo-Ji Temple (Info+Pics)
Buy 2 A1 mounting boards from Art Friend and a stack of blank CDs from Challenger
Burn Puppet Ppt slides into a CD
XDM Groupwork load
Mount IDS pics + POEMS essay on a1 mounting boards.
Mount MAT1 Temple pics(wallet prints) on a3 paper

P.S: Chiong

12:55 AM

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Yesterday was Hari Raya Haji. My God it was damn boring. I mean seeing as I came home late from school on Thursday night, I didn't go for the Hari Raya prayers yesterday as I was too damn shagged. Instead, I slept throughout the entire morning and woke up only at around noon.

Did some of my assignments, cleaned up my closet and was practically rotting at home. Brainwave struck. Invited Adek Khairil to tag along and play pool with me, together with Kakak and Abang. The wait for a vacant table was worth it though cuz we had fun, like LOADS OF FUN. Adek Khairil kept on criticising me at first before we got a vacant pool table, saying things like 'I know you suck la bro' or 'Kakak play better than you'.

I'm like 'We shall see dek. What makes you think I suck when you never even see me play pool before'?

Adek Khairil : 'Cuz you said you don't like to play pool cuz like matrep. But you see got matrep here or no?'

Me: 'Tkd but got ah...'

Adek Khairil: 'Ah beng.'

In the end, I won him like 3 times. The best part? When I won him for the second time, I simply looked at him and asked 'So you were saying adek?'

His pathetic reply? 'Just now was on purpose.'

Hahahahaha! Funny la my younger brother. Had a rematch and I emerged victorious.

~Adek. Now you think I still suck? :)

Proceeded to White Sands Shopping Centre to do some toiletries shopping at Watsons, ate at KFC and went back home where Adek Khairil helped me with my hair.

~Thanks adek! It looks awesome!~

P.S: Naise :)

12:10 PM

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Yesterday was the SP Star competition. SD lost the cheering competition to SMA.

~CONGRATS ASH BROTHER!~

Anyways, SP Star was fabulous. Not awesome but fabulous. Azmira came in third place. Admittedly, some of the female contestants had huge vocal chords as they were able to take on Christina Aguilera's 'Hurt' and Beyonce's 'Halo' effortlessly.

Lately, I realised that I'm getting hooked on Evanescence's songs, especially Bring Me To Life, My Immortal and Missing. Old songs, I know, but the lyrics of these songs are in unison with how my life is right about now and moreover, Amy Lee's voice is BOOMZ!

I just feel like giving up on everything. I mean. What's the point of me loving and caring so much for an individual if my love, care and concern for them is only gonna come back and bite me in the ass and hurt me? And I still don't understand why I still love and care alot about you, when firstly, I know that you don't feel the same way about me anymore and secondly, all hopes of us becoming close back again like last time are all gone.

I just realised. When people make new friends, old friends tend to be left behind and forgotten. I feel weird and out of place, even when I'm mixing around with my own cliques. Weird much?

I guess everything's my fault. No one's to be blamed. Really. No one except me cuz it ain't no one's fault but mine.

P.S: 1 more month till the NEW YEAR

7:58 AM

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These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried, I would wipe away all of your tears.
When you screamed, I would fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years
You still have all of me.

1:18 PM

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Jyeah. I'm just damn shagged. From non stop assignments to me having to redo my previous assignments due to the fact that my laptop and external hard drive crashed, causing me to lose all my important data, like my school assignments and my personal memorable documents, to the cheerleading practices from after school ends in the evening all the way till late at night due to the SP Star event happening this coming Thurs to the social gatherings and the competitions I've been taking part in these past few weeks. It's like WOW! I wanted to keep myself busy and preoccupied with stuff just so that I wouldn't think about that particular incident and my real true feelings but this is like taking it to the extreme man. So hectic with so many things to do that I barely have my own ME time.

Anyway, 2 more weeks to holidays. But then again, the holidays aren't like holidays at all cuz of the fact that I'm supposed to complete most of my assignments that were lost due to the technical faults of modern day technology. -.-

I'll only be free from this coming Thursday onwards. :)

And by the way, SD & GYLC clique. If you happen to be reading my blog, I was thinking of organising a day out at Sentosa to just chill, relax, let loose and have fun during the holidays. Tag me on my tagboard or contact me to let me know what you think aitz.

P.S: Hectic

10:07 PM

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The Amazing Race competition yesterday was pretty much sucky. Don't get me wrong guys. It's not my team members who made me sucky. It's the planning of the event, the way it was carried out and the prizes that made it sucky. Why?

Planning wise. Imagine this. We had to report at Fort Canning Park for the start of the race only to have to travel all the way back to Pasir Ris for our first and second pit stop before heading back to Fort Canning AGAIN for the third pit stop. Fourth pit stop was at East Coast then had to travel back to town AGAIN for our fifth and sixth pit stop. How stupid can they get?! The way the event was carried out was also very boring as we had to recite a stupid cheer over and over again.

$10000 worth of prizes? Sounds appealing right? Well. Guess what the prizes were?

-5 HANDPHONE pouches
-17 Escape Theme Park Tics (boring as most of the fun rides have already been removed and the only 2 things that are attracting there are the Viking and the Go-Kart)
-5 or 10 3d2n Chalet vouchers(considered ok)
-100 Cathay movie tics(considered ok)
-25 MP3 players(NOT iPods or the real good ones. The MP3 player I'm talking about is the typical CUBE MP3 that you can buy at any 7-11 STORES! Stupid!)

Lets see. Lately, after everything that has happened, I'm just plain exhausted. And I give up on everything.

P.S: -.-

12:44 PM

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Stupid operation wound! For no apparent reason, during GEMS, the wound became wet again. -.- The best part? It stained the very jeans which I wanted to use for Dbl O last night. Damn irritating fuck can? I didn't even know about it until Eunice pointed the stain out. At first, I thought it was simply some black stains due to me sitting on dirty ground but when I twisted my body around, I realised that it was actually a circular stain penetrating directly from the wound. Urgh. Luckily enough, I have a pair of backup jeans.

Anyways, on Tuesday, I went to Kampong Glam Cafe to drink teh with Rina and Rye. Had a nice lil chat with Rina and apparently, everything was revealed. What I thought was true back in Sem 1 was actually nothing but a bunch of lies and bullshit. All concocted by the very person, whom we THOUGHT was innocent. Can't believe I actually fell for your manipulative schemes and brain washing.

To ACER'S PARTICULAR Service staff:

Don't try turning the tables on me cuz I remembered everything I said perfectly. And you were being pretty damn rude. You could have just talked and explained everything to me in a perfectly normal tone but instead, you chose to STRUT up to me in that haughty manner and talk to me in a very LOUD and RUDE tone that was enough to carry throughout the entire building just to attract everyone's attention and you think that it will make you look good while humiliating and embarrassing me at the same time?? HAH! Puhlease. *Rolls eyes* Frankly, I don't give a damn about what people think of me. You, on the other hand, should open up your eyes and realise that you're only a FOREIGNER working here. A FILIPINO FOREIGNER. So don't think that just because you've landed your ass on a good job here with a decent pay, you can just step on all of our heads just like that cuz remember, any single cock up you do and you'll be deported back to your homeland before you can even deny everything.

Dbl O last night wasn't exactly my idea of awesome but it was alright. Everything was ok except for the presence of the mats and the minahs. -.-

Anyways, I guess Felicia's shoutout on Facebook was right. It's hard to pretend that you love someone when you don't but it's even harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do. Surprisingly, she suddenly became so damn deep. Normally, the Fel I know would always say the most funny and sometimes, nonsensical things that comes to her mind without even thinking but lately, all her shoutouts on Facebook were so deep.

P.S: Hard to let go. Even harder to move on.

10:21 AM

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My laptop crashed on Sunday. Sent it to the ACER Service Centre yesterday to get it checked. Today, they called me up and told me that the hardisk was experiencing a failure and that they had to replace it. This means that everything in my hard drive is all gone. I don't care about the fact that my songs, music videos, and assignments are gone. But the fact that my pictures and my personal documents of all the touching things that happened to me that really made my day back then just vanished just like that really is heart-wrenching. :(

P.S: Patience Bal.

1:22 PM

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Well. For Friday, I attended Adek Khairil's gig at SCAPE Lab. It was AWESOME! Saturday wise, I went to my former manager's son's birthday bash at the P.A chalet. Reunited with some of the FCX people who attended, although I must say, what I found out about them really put me on edge and I had to watch my every step just so that I don't slip up.

Anyways, I'm currently chatting with a friend of mine, who's going through what I'm going through right now. We both agreed, that although time is very long and will make us impatient as we were born to see results like ASAP, we just have to wait and let nature take its course.

I've got an open wound after my operation last 2 weeks. The doctor said that in time to come, that open wound will slowly but surely heal if I learn to look after it properly and change its dressing every single day.

So if I'm able to wait very very patiently for that open post-operation wound to heal up, then that means to say that I would also be able to wait for the emotional wound in my heart to heal up, let nature take its course and hope and pray that things will simply turn out for the better.

P.S: Time heals all wounds, be it visible or invisible ones.

2:10 AM

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You know when you're having a bad day and you feel really down and emotional and you feel that you're like living in a world of crap when suddenly, the tiniest or the littlest things that people say or do for you just turns your mood around and puts your whole entire day into perspective? It gives you that little bubble of confidence and motivation to persevere throughout the entire day.

I just experienced it yesterday, thanks to my brother, Aliff.

~Thanks a lot bro Aliff. You really made my day yesterday and honestly, yesterday I was still pretty much bumped out by what happened on Wednesday night. I love you alot bro.~

P.S: Small little things just make your day.

12:10 PM

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Yes. I was totally in shock when I received your text yesterday. I was speechless. But I knew it was coming. Guess my gut instincts were right. I know it was all my fault that caused this consequence and I'm terribly sorry. I really am.

P.S: I wish you all the best in life. :(

10:24 PM

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2009 is officially the worst year throughout my entire life. Why?

Shit after shit happened to me and my life this year. I know that even my younger brother, Khairil, felt the same way cuz he told me before that this year is not a good year for almost all of his friends. I feel the same way too.

Life's so unfair and it can be such a bitch at times. Guess everyone have their ups and downs in every year. Seeing as last year was the top of the world for me, I guess this year I had to hit rock bottom. I can't exactly be floating on cloud 9 all the time and as a friend once told me, in life, we don't and can't always get what we want.

P.S: Stupid year

12:12 AM

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4 more weeks to holidays people!

10:02 PM

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Emotional all time low. I've hit rock bottom. I don't know how I'm gonna pick myself back up again nor do I know how I'm gonna climb the entire mountain to reach the top of the world and attain nirvana again.

3:37 PM

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A mixture of emotions rampaging around in myself.

Confused, guilt, hurt, sad. I don't know.

Guess I only have myself to blame for what happened. I wanna apologize but I have this feeling that you won't accept it this time round. I have this feeling that I'm about to lose you. I don't want that to happen at all if possible cuz you mean alot to me. You really do. But I doubt you'll ever believe me or trust me again. I tried explaining but somehow, your replies to me told me that you didn't believe a word I said.

You have every rights to be mad at me and to not trust me any longer but in my defense, I already tried explaining.

I think I've said enough. I still love you though no matter what happens. Guess things will be akward for me from now on.

:'(

P.S: Confused much.

4:52 PM

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Ok. Yesterday, my older sister got married. Yesterday was also not my day as well. I shall not elaborate cuz I just wanna forget about it and start afresh as it's a brand new week.

11:54 AM