Beauty & The Beast

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Alright. I know Ijust blogged like less than 3 hours ago but I really gotta get this off my chest...

When I got back home from work, my maid, my grandmother and myself were simply talking about...Of all topics...Death...I've got no idea why though but it suddenly made me think..

"What will happen to me if my grandmother 'goes back home'? Will my dad take me in or will he simply cast me aside like I'm a useless piece of junk?".

I immediately broke down when I asked my grandmother that question. She also broke down and told me to go back to my Dad but things between me and my dad have NOT been good. Ok so he does buy me what I want, like this laptop, for instance, but we're so NOT close like how other sons are close to their dads.

I've been feeling really down ever since then cuz I just couldn't stop thinking of what I would do and what will happen to me if my grandmother's...Well...Gone... I think I'm selfish for only thinking of myself in this kinda matters but I'm the ONLY grandchild living with my grandparents while my other 10 cousins are living with their own families. I feel guilty for being selfish in this family matters but like I already said above(check it out for yourself cuz I'm too lazy to retype it all over again).

Anyways, I may not be the most perfect person around but just know that I'm willing to put aside my own insignificant problems to accomadate my loved ones' problems and that, I would go out of my way just to be there for my loved ones when they need a listening ear or a helping hand. I may have my own problems, fears and insecurites but I try my best to simply laugh it all off and put on a smiling facade, just so that others, especially my loved ones, will NOT know how troubled my soul really is.

Call my post EMO-SHIT or EMO-TIONAL or whatever it is you wanna label it but it's MY post on MY blog, where it's MY outlet to simply release my stressfulness and feelings that I've been bottling up all this while, so I have every damn right to blog on whatever I feel like blogging on. Technically, it's not exactly problems that I'm facing but it's simply my fear of losing the ones I love...PERMANENTLY. I've already lost my mom and my great-grandmother, whom I'm VERY close with, so I can't bear to think what I would do if I were to lose my grandmother, whom I've come to love and become really close with, ever since I broke away from the wrong company last year.

Ok. I don't even know why I'm blogging about all this but I just wanna let it all out. And by the way, people, talking about death with my grandmother and my maid actually made me realise how short and fragile life is. At any point in time, Allah can just take away your life *SNAP!* just like that if He feels like it.

So, if your loved ones are still around, regardless of whether they are your family members, siblings, colleagues or your close friends, just let them know how much you treasure them and how much you love them before it's too late cuz you never know what Allah has in store for us the next day.

7:41 PM