Beauty & The Beast

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I just got back home. As usual, I was hanging out with my bro, Khai, and my close friends, Aiman and Norris, after work. Hung out with Aiman before he started work at 6. Hung out at Mac with Norris and his pals and Khai's sister, Rina after that. Hung out with my bro, Khai, at "STAGE".

Anyways, I have this sudden compelling urge to get this out of my heart so PLEASE do bear with me aitz. I may look like I'm a happy-go-lucky person, with absolutely NO worries whatsoever but truth be told...

I have my own fears and insecurities. Fears and insecurities that I dare not tell anyone for fear of being laughed at. Until now that is...

MY FEARS...

1. I fear that my old attitude, which I showed at TM, may resurface at Express, which is where I'm currently working at. If that happens, people may start viewing me as a person who can't control his temper.

2. I fear that I may never be able to get myself into a SERIOUS and COMMITTED relationship.

MOST IMPORTANTLY...

3. I fear that I may lose the ones I love, being my family members, my younger brother, my close Sec 5 friends, my bdk2 lpk, as well as my bro and close friends at Express.

4. I fear that I may be hated,isolated and outcasted again by everyone, which was what happened to me back when I was in Sec 3 all the way up till Sec 5(from 2005 to 2007). This simply happened cuz firstly, it was cuz of my FUCKED-UP attitude back then(Thank God that right now, I'm no longer like what I used to be back then) and secondly, some people spreaded rumours about me and the rest of them chose to believe the rumours instead of getting to know me better as a friend, resulting in me being disliked, loathed, isolated, outcasted and hated by almost the whole entire school.

I LOVE my Sec 5 bros, whom I'm really close to, being Syaqeeq, Faris, Saiful, Razmeer, Nabeel, Sazli and Syahrir. I LOVE my bdk2 lpk, being my younger brother, Dahnial, my cousin, Khaleed, my besty Tun and the rest of them, being Jay, Pavi, Fazreena, Ayu and Ella. I LOVE my new close friends at FCX, being Aiman, Norris, Afiq and my bro, Khai. I LOVE my clubbing pals, being Nazry, Ajan and Amirah. However, I'm SERIOUSLY afraid of losing ALL of them. I've lost a LOT of friends before cuz of my attitude, disagreements, misunderstandings and all that crap so if you were me, you would understand why I'm afraid that history might repeat itself again.

In order to hide all of my fears away from prying eyes, I conceal it all behind a facade. Behind a mask, where I can simply be my TRUESELF without having to give away my fears. I may be vulgar in my language and straight-forward in my opinions but that's simply my way of sealing away my fears. Besides, I would rather be straight-forward in what I say rather than I be hyporcritical towards my loved ones and my friends.... Agreed?

10:51 PM