Beauty & The Beast

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Why can't 2008 just come back? I feel like reliving 2008 all over again cuz it was the bestest ever year for me.

2009 is starting to feel like crap what with one thing after another. My dad wasn't even confident that I could pass poly, thinking that I was doomed to fail YET AGAIN as he perceives me as NOTHING but a FAILURE. I'm worried about my younger brother, Adek Khairil, cuz he's sitting for his Os this year and I don't want him to end up taking the same road that I did back in 2007 when I first failed my Os. I don't even get appreciated for what I did for the ones I love. I fought with my grandmother a couple of times simply cuz she has that ANNOYING habit of venting out her anger and frustrations on me whenever she's pissed off with someoneelse. People's first impressions of me as either a 'MAT' or a 'GAY' really hurts A LOT although I don't really show it.

Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. I hate it when I'm feeling down like this cuz I would rant and rant and rant until I'm sick and tired of myself. Sometimes, I feel like I don't even matter in anyone's life at all cuz of the way I'm being treated by them. What's the point of loving and caring so much for the ones you love and sacrificing a lot for them but they don't even appreciate a single bit of what you did? Sometimes. I feel like running away from it all or even better. Just ending my life but that would be a stupid thing to do.

Yeah. I know. I'm irritating. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. I'm a useless asshole. The biggest SON OF A BITCH you've ever laid eyes on. But don't you know how much it actually HURTS when people judge you by the book and immediately label you as 'GAY' or 'MAT' without even getting a chance to know you better??? Don't you know how it actually SUCKS to know that your own DAD doesn't even have enough confidence in you to be able to pass POLY but instead, brings you down with his words???

I hate it! I just hate it!

*To Afiq, thanks a MILLION for always being there for me, for your comforting words, your care and concern and your advice. I really appreciate everything that you've done for me. I LOVE YOU BRO!!

11:06 PM